8:51 p.m.
8-19-2018…
H E.A..
H S ..T R… B R..
1159 Face book Friends…
K E I… / I E K…
Infinite Gauntlet… was what I just saw a moment ago.
See sacred 11 is A A…
I use that anchor because my coffee today at the Arab Bodega and at Starbucks…
9 and 27… I… A-A…A-Z-A…. B G.. Blue Green 5th and 4th Color… 54.. 9= I.
Also see sacred portal 11 “Spitting Cobra” and the two horned “She Devils” S D…. ( 19 4.. 23)
See sacred portal 59.. “End of the Story…”
This is not my Script…
It is a Script of a Wrath and Viscousness which many attribute to being Female.
It is not female it is this realities representation of the feminine…
An abomination of expression “Delusion Illusion”
which I found myself forced to navigate without transforming into a monster.. an abomination of rage from the provocation.
Woman rage against man..
Woman fighting her self…
I found my self, Spitting in Lorenzo Face today…
I had not decided what to wear when I woke up from a fitful sleep- the body the bones… all are shifting..
I had begun to realize just how much I have been bearing, enduring fighting on every front.
Nicole my Case Managers expression still filled me with quiet fury, less so because of her expressions of racial superiority based on simple insecurities but more because this was the Script which each day, I have observed that this was seriously literally set up for me to pass though to get back to myself and all my aspects…
After 17 years of this unrelenting cruelty and demands – and the literal binding of my body and carrying this alone, against a whole world…
I knew that this had gone way too far.
But I got up, feeling a small jolt of energy to my exhausted limbs, because I suddenly saw that the Equation I I… 9 9… 18.
R… I saw Roberto Munoz outside on Archer Ave this morning, which I know when I met one of the “players” in the script outside in means that what they represent has been freed.
I had commented to him last night as he spoke about the Agents and the Matrix play that his Two T-Shirts he often wears are numbers in my code…
149…and 40…
See sacred portal 149 (19) “Alien Father” and 40… “The Winged Source of Africa Story.. Lion King.. Man…
I saw the code in my Sleep State… It was all aligned completed…
So I got up, but not without still carrying the quiet fury of the play with “White Woman Nicole” and then a play which had taken place two nights before with Lorenzo where he had confronted me when i had warned him and he had i knew allowed his saliva to land on my face..
I had truly wished to respond because the Script, the Shelter everything .. through the years has kept moving me to scearios of insult and provocation to react and respond with Violence…
It was and has been exhausting and trying as I witnessed the truth of each being a set up…
It had been the same way since I became wrote the story as a boy…
It had been there as an 18 months of kid who had peed in my fathers food urged by this Spirit in me so awake and aware…
A constant call temptation to move me to violence.
And the anger of the Script setting this up over and over again like a test and a trial..
I was furious, with Lorenzo but more so with the script which I could see he was being used as a tool of.
I woke up put it out of my mind…
I knew what he was and what this really was about this really had nothing to do with the Shelter really.. but at the same time everything to do with it.
After all Moe had called it out. why would they put me in the room with such a person which no one could stand…?
That it was a fire that was sure to explode…
I knew that Kelsey the asst Director had done this intentionally..
But they were not in control of this play…
I knew it…
And so when he walked in, once more using once more his manipulation and words to provoke but fearful of my response as he had been from the first and last day.. but goaded on by my being merciless to him, and his hypocrisy, I knew that he was seeking ways ,, cowardly ways to fight back provoke me to rage…
And so when I got out of the shower and he again cheerfully ( which he always does.. don on that cheerful and “I am better than you” veneer…” I could see the set up forming and I was so tired physically that I really did not care…)
He made a comment, I told him that I had warned him already, not to speak to me… And that I was going to deal with him in my good time. He and that Self created creature he prays to…
Sacred Portal 17 is a young maiden in prayer…
I had used every cutting word to stop him from speaking to me over the months but felt a “Kinship to me.. and a jealousy.. which he concealed.
Superiority… That is what he and Nicole represented…
That is what irked me so much about these two.. their forced imposition and taking advantage of my being forced to interact with them..
To air their insecurity through tones of Superiority which none of them had given any evidence as to why and how they are Superior…
It was insecurity…
Lorenzo repeatedly states that he believes that White people and jewish people are better than black people…
The nonsense coming from his mouth…
So much…
And yet it was all set up… by the people in the Shelter who allowed it to manifest – set it up even right to the so called Play and Script and that which set this up…
I had no anger but I simply responded by allowing my saliva to spit in his face..
He had done this to me the other day, but in a way you could not discern if it was intentional or not yet you knew it was…
I had walked away when in truth I had wanted to slap him down literally..
But today it was more as if there was something else moving me and I was a passive observer…
He lost it and hit me twice and pulled me to the ground..
I just lay there as if I were somewhere else..
I finally realized that I was lying there being held by this man who I knew had lost it…
I felt now I could teach him a lesson but my muscles went slack. there was no desire to truly hurt him..
He said that it was enough now.. be was holding me so I would not retailate…
I got up before him- he was wide open but I did not land a crushing blow with me knee to his exposed head.. instead I just did the gesture which dissolved into a warning…
Security finally came…
There was no witnesses…
But he had landed the first blow…
Which is the one rule here that if you start the physical violence…
9:38 p.m.
He was frightened when security came.. He tried to say it was all under control..
But I had recalled that I had told him that his Courage would be tested that the test was to see if he would truly die for his God whom he prayed on his knees for or was he really praying to himself and a false god in him…
I was asked to go down stairs…
I told what happened and they asked me if I wished to file a police report and get him arrested…
Later upstairs he kept on talking saying how he had got me, and that he had won …
and then just as I was linking this all in mind again that this was actually a test…
He said that he passed the test….
He passed test he said.. and they did not arrest me.. he said..
I looked at him… You failed the test… They asked me if I wished to have you arrested and press charges..
He was silent…
I realized i had put in my T shirt messenger of death without thinking…
I knew what he had done to himself..
I already knew that I was not going to press charges. and that it was I who had passed a Test…
And the sadness i feel is beyond words…
This far?
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