A friend recently responded to my “coming out

A friend recently responded to my “coming out in Facebook” with the comment that the new show Touch is my story, only that they used a caucasian boy to represent me. I watched it and was disturbed at just how close to my experience they got (despite the hollywood drama)… And I was touched and shocked at just how well this friend saw me.

I do see reality differently, I do see the golden ratio which I call beauty, I do see the true human potential in people (and saw only that first until the masks people wear beat my ass up so badly I had to also learn to understand that side of their natures), I have developed codes to read the seen and the unseen world, I connect the dots and know that certain people have to meet each other, that certain people have to be brought back to themselves because of the great deeds they will do, if they can get over the traumas that hold them back from being the people they can become, I have memory of how consciousness and existence began (it is so real for me that it is more real than this everyday reality). I can close my eyes and see and hear the song of existence, i can remember us as light beings and how we came to earth through the Atom I called earth or flesh, and how we had a mission to rise through the darkness of matter, back to the light in us contained in our souls, which are also called the magic mirror. I have spent a life time trying to communicate the world I live in (like the autistic child’s world) where there is only beauty, to people of this dimension who live mostly in fear. And I have sought ways, codes, languages, explanations to show how people can come to my world, our world, mirrored in an autistic child’s experience. I have written thousands of e-mails, touched thousands of people and sought to show to them the pathway to get to my home, while rebelling against being forced to show so many people in pain and doubt who lash out, this very special realm where, like the child in TOUCH, the world is all beauty…. I have written books upon books, the last was the true story of Atom and Energy (by proving what i remember) that existence began not with a story but with a conversation which created electro magnetic current, stimuli and electrical current.

I have learnt the language of this reality and though for most of my life I, like the autistic child, lived in silence (choosing not to communicate the truth of my world to others, until I realized that very few people even acknowledged that world I lived in) but when I told them about it they wanted to live there too, but they wanted me to prove that world true.

I have done all I could to convey and communicate the existence of a universe that has order, how I read numbers, see literal energy, how I can see the unseen using physical reality as actors and keys. I tried to tell people about two awarenesses I call the black and white who use humanity like a game of chess until they can evolve to understanding beyond 1-0, yes-no but to the middle way of seeing the world through the dimensions of the rainbow, the spectrum.

When i look at the world in daytime I see speckles of energy, like tiny fire flies everywhere, light beings… I can see energy, I can see colors rising from people, I can feel radio frequency and sense people’s thoughts, fears loves and their secret beauty… I can understand words uttered by peoples eyes, by the light in them and I can tell when someone’s true spirit is talking to me, recognizes me, saying ‘help me, help us’… and i tried to shut my ears, my eyes to that plea but I could not…

I am educated, elegant, well-travelled well read and called charming yet all that effort to get people’s attention to the universe I literally live in for 11 years has been regarded with wonder, epiphany then forgetfulness until i honestly began to think I had done something wrong, until I began to forget that I am the one who lives daily with the agony of my body, and that everything was taken away from me (I used to live in very affluent circles) to convey the truth… but nothing stuck, I am isolated (because i will not deny the truth of what is happening to me physically no matter how it has been made to seem as though what i am going through, channeling is nothing at all… but I woke up from a spell recently, having almost lulled myself into thinking that what is happening to me is normal, is ordinary… but why can I not work… because at any given moment this thing takes over and a different voice and consciousness other than mine manifests, my body starts doing courtly gestures as if i am housing some one from a different time period, which makes people startled uncomfortable or say, “I do not want to deal with that, though he seems like a nice guy…”

No, it is real and it is out of the ordinary, yet for 11 years and a whole life time I have been doing (and more elegantly) what that kid in the tv show TOUCH is saying… that everything is linked connected literally and that it is by reading the connections that you can see the play and what to do.

I am said to be without home and without income, and despite all the information I have shared to the pathway to my dimensions, the dimension where most autistic kids live…and I totally understand why they refuse to speak or address the polluted horror of this reality when our dimension is not only the true world but that our world sees the truth of everything in creation is the golden ratio which creates beauty… everywhere.

That if people do not hear us, especially the autistic children who know the truth just as I know and have sought to communicate to the world, then it is they who do not hear us who are lost…and not the other way around.

So let people mock me us, for not having money, houses, power, some one who takes care of us… because in truth it is we who are taking care of you. And the day that we Autistic children refuse to speak to the world is the day that the world is truly lost to the beauty of our inner worlds.

My first books are called Talking to the Silence, Silence being the name of this growing energy consciousness in me now rising. I never trusted the world of human sound because as most kids will tell you it is full of lies and self deceit.. ugliness instead of beauty.

I do not know if it is because I am black, older than a boy, or because I carry my burden with as much grace as I can, no matter how bewildered I have been…my humans beings around me and their reactions… that it is only through a TV series called TOUCH that people can relate to my experience, even though there are hundreds of New Yorkers whom I have met who were witness to me understanding and linking what the boy in Touch does…

It makes me sad, sad and wanting to be very far from human beings…if after 11 years of roaming all over New York so that this consciousness in me could touch the people it wanted me to communicate with, link with and help them recall the beauty in the world, that I still sit here, with all the evidence beside me and no one who truly wants to hear… they would rather see it as a movie series….

But I am the living embodiment of that very truth, is the fiction better than the truth? I had hoped that some one would be truly touched by my experience to see it other than using my knowledge for personal gain or seeing the truth as is… but there is none at the moment, though there are a great deal of people with brilliance and talent around me but they are not from my world.

I guess I am the ambassador of the Autistic children, I guess they would be my true family that I have been looking for but always knew existed but I had to come from the world they refused to leave to communicate the beauty of our world and how we see, so that others could come if they wished and leave the world of fear–the lie–and enter into the truth of the world. We are not from your world, our world is a world of beauty with no limitations or restrictions… maybe we are the E.T.s and people here are the predators and the aliens…. we, my family of autistic are not the autistic ones, the ones who do not know how to communicate. That is this consciousness, who do not know how to communicate with each other, breeding instead war, hatred and evil. We are not from here because our dimension sees only the truth, and it was a horrifying to step into the truth that is called reality for us, because we knew it was all untrue. But I was spirited away to this realm and to help. We my family have the keys to the future because “we get it,” we have the information and tools of how humanity can truly see how we see.

I have all the information that my mission in this reality yielded, I have been dying to get back home to my realm because this reality people are so used to is so horrific to use, but we also know that why we came to help was because there would come a time when this reality would end…

and we came out of our silence out of love and compassion and we are real and we exist. But maybe the world will only understand us by a TV show and not by a literal experience of us existing here in New York. Maybe what we have come to share from our world, which is deep deep within every human being, this world of ours so beautiful that we, the autistic, the “crazy” for not putting ourselves and our brilliance first, but rather sought to exchange information of the way home, was not because we needed to exist in this reality or even recognized what we are really doing, but was because of compassion. But who knows after 11 years and a whole life time of finding a bridge, a language of expression that could bridge the gap between our world (the world of silence and sight) and the world here of lies and deceit, that the only value of the sharing of our info was used to create a tv show.

But I take heart that one person posted the truth, that they saw my story perverted, my truth perverted to a TV show called Touch.

But touch is blocked by a TV screen.

love

e