7:15 p.m..
GO…
And go I must, back to England where at least I have more rights as a British Citizen to benefits.
12-4-2016…
L-D-T.P….L.D.C.F….L.D.I…
12 Completion of Sacred Portal D.I… “IS” or based on Truth of my own enactment experienced in Foresight then Hindsight… F.H…68…
from Albert Santana’s House at East 4th 268 Street, Generation X university ( And yes, the man in the Hospital, called Albert Eddie Santana, who just happened to be there when I was arrived in the Emergency room is just another confirmation)
-Where the “Play” of Foresight and Hindsight and Existence Death Sacred Portal 49 took truly, began.
And even further back to my going to the Emergency Room for exhaustion in 2001, when this condition first began- and the very portal which Social workers first informed me about the Shelters, and the System…
To the moment, I was being invited by my agent at William Morris- Manny Baron, to submit an article, about my impressions of New York. and my being told about the Intake Shelter, and the conditions there which should be something they suggested I write about to get the attention of the world to the conditions which the System here had set in place and then, let evolve into the conditions so appalling at Bed Ford Atlantic Shelter- The Armory.
Leading to me to investigate ( by necessity) that portal the very next day, and then write the piece called The Elegant Nomad..
Which agreed with the social workers, that the system in America and indeed the Consciousness needed to evolve.
And even further back to London Maida Vale, Jonn Jason Lee’s house in London England who, was awakened to a higher perception of reality which made me call him my little brother Jon..
Who I first came to New York with…
And my battle as to whether to come to New York, knowing full well that it meant going back into the Silence, that world I had lived in for so long and wished more than anything to escape, to be done with for I wished to live in the world, with people..
And not a lone chronicler ad observer… Social Scientist of Reality..
It is there I finally find myself with no other option, other than to heed Durek Verrett message to come to New York, because no other door wood open..
That is when I wrote to the Silence one more time..
To The Silence One Last Time, was written and uploaded here on Face Book as well as the later, The Elegant Nomad.
There was no code, or even awareness of the deeper implications or codes contained in that Essay.
It was my verbalizing the ritual I do and did to prepare myself each time I went “Down” into Silence, Solitude, Isolation to play that role…
It talks about the process of my clearing up three intense years of Instanbul, where I had become for a moment a celebrity…
And where I had experienced a whirlwind of what it was like living grounded in this reality.
Not the Silence, which I had lived all my life.
The Silence of course, meaning being undercover… observing documenting, seeking to understand a new environment which really did not make sense.
I was used to adapting, since a child and our having moved so much from the moment I was born…
Which would make sense why I like movement and still use motion to move myself to sleep.
But in the essay To The Silence One Last Time”
TT S,O.L.T… (This code of meaning through the initials came in Hindsight, years later)
But In the essay. I am writing while going through my ritual of preparation.
It begins with my detailing the exercises required to summon the Energy Strength to become that person- cool. dettached…
But it also required cleaning out all the expression. fatigue and experiences I had absorbed in Istanbul.
I did not wish to come to New York, because I was exhausted.
Just as I had been exhausted in Paris in 1993-1994, and collapsed not from physical exhaustion, nor even mental exhaustion from writing and experiencing since 1989 London when I began my journals Talking To The Silence..(TTT.S… 202020 19…79…S.P Blue Print of Existence)
What I had clean out was all the Expression and experiences with others in that whirlwind 3 years, which was so speeded up that people remarked about my extraordinary energy…
But to sustain such an already deplete store of Energy, I had to clean up all the experiences, of the years and all that I had absorbed.
Interaction, and people I had come to care for, and what our interaction was for, all the data, all the knowledge.. and as is with experiencing LIVE matrix… the bonds you made and which you are leaving behind, severing almost… in order to face a new journey with a clean slate, so they experiences of the past, does not interfere with the experience of the present..
And when Hurt, fatigue, especially from being so naturally sensitive, and made even more so my living in such a constant isolation and constant purification of thoughts and reflections..
I could hear the voices, the voices where all echoes of my thoughts and experiences I had been. Voices created by myself, and fully aware of why I created those “Voices” to deal with realities so alien to mine, but which I did not have the words or language to explain or clarity to those people my perception which often led to mis-understanding..
Especially from my warmth to people,whom I already knew we would not be building along standing bond in this reality, because I had been through this process so many times before.
When I had returned to London from Paris, I had required a full year before I could bring myself back permanently back to my self.
In London I only had a couple of months..
Jon even vacated the flat to enable me to enact my ritually of basically re-centering myself.
And the first thing I had to do, was to realign and re-merge the fractions of myself I had created to deal with Istanbul.
We all do this, break ourselves into pieces to deal with different situations in daily life which in no way deal with is as a Whole…
This creates the Voices which are not really All of you..
And then there are the voices which respond as thoughts…. to that not being addressed to your Whole.
I was always aware as a child, how to Take on Programs.. Voices I creates as Characters, used to deal with reality, Tough voices. Strong ones. Barking ones, all to protect my “Fragile but obvious not so fragile beautiful Truth of Core” Our secret gardens…
The awareness is like a program and “application” which I apply and then when it has served its Function I must then let go of..
But only by remembering why I created it in the first Place…
Then deactivate it, but balancing the reason why I bought it into existence..
I align all the Voices back into one, until Emeka’s voice emerges, richer stronger and often astonishingly beautiful to me, when I see the end result..
I had of course grown richer from the experience, but only after cultivating the beautiful Truth….
I recall meeting myself when I came back from Paris, exhausted after the intensity of a play which had me so outraged at one point that I wrote a Script, a piece of theater (I never could complete because no time)- Where the first scene is the actor coming on stage to demand “Who Wrote this Script of my Life”
I was getting housing, suggested by Jon whose house I had been squatting in when I got back from Paris,- he had come to get me..
And just as he had just been Istanbul to visit before I squatted in his House before finally moving to New York…
The person at the housing desk had asked me if I ever heard voices…
I laughed quietly, but replied honestly that ” Yes I did” Oh I was perfectly aware what they were Really asking, but though it was not the same perception and meaning- it was still the Truth..
The Voices of course, explained full circle through this 15.8 year play is the Dna…. Which we now know is made up of sound…
Meaning the voices are two types… Illusion which serve a temporary function, such as tools used and gained in a “Game Boy” or used to protect us from reality…
And the other Voices of our collective human experiences expressed through, and by others and which is in harmony with your Body…
Because physically you are the sum total of the Experiences of your line, your ancestors right to the very beginning.. and hence the voices of an entire species..
Because you are literally all connected and as the Discovery Channel “All About Eve” – Literally one Gene Pool and common ancestor..
It then makes perfect sense, that a person made exceptionally sensitive by isolation and solitude, living in a Library as the true version of mind, who also has an ancestor programed in him or her of a certain perception of reality expressed voiced heard indented for generation upon generations through empirical evidence of Ancestors Ancients as Fact becomes an interface of a Blue Print…
And that at a certain point, of going through things, that blue print or indention or that muscle memory will “Kick In”
But a deeper, memory even more deeply indented in you will also kick in, that which simply Is… And that one is the True Blue Print of Existence.
And such as it literally was experienced by myself in Istanbul when Durek Verrett Verret arrived with messages from both the Dna gene pool memory as well as the what I have called the Eternal Memory…
The Full Circle and the I is what I came to call them by the experience I had with each… And thus, my definition came from Experienced Described…
O.I…
And this, is the awareness which had become so activated in me, which I no longer wish to experience while living in this World.
For what purpose I asked, with full me, memory.. Eveything is already written and indented in the Being of everything..
Just as Flowers, plants, animals know when to bloom, fertilize flourish. migrate… Humanity also had, and Humanity has reason skills, thumbs…
The can read it, figure it out.. See that they are Evolving programed by some Eternal in them… that knows the way. and if you are not sure, you can read in Hindsight what happened when you listened and followed those “Sixth Sense”.. as well as you Instincts and Intuition.. I and I… and evaluate the results yourselves.
Instead, I find myself, in a story of 15.9-10 years ago of my sitting in Jons apartment in Maida Vale of literally documenting as I was doing- Being as Well as Doing, the process of moving allthe Voices back into one…
And then choosing two voices from the pile of aligned Expression and Thought of what remained.. to chose a Seductive sexy voice that I had earned gained become mine..
And that of a Android…
Why did I choose to take with me a Android kind of dettached voice..
It was I was I had enough experience to know that whatever I was going to experience in New York, I had been prepared my whole life for… And I knew one of the greatest tools was to have that ability to Detach myself from my the Emotive experience of that being experience because I knew that though the experience I was learning from was real.. The Situation was not real. it was set up for me, us you to learn from….
I preferred to live life as it comes, but I realized hardly anyone did this because this Life was so filled with unresolved voices that people were going quietly insane…
Entering into Sound as Cassandra my case worker commented, to enact out a pattern without remembering that you were are experiencing that to retrieve its meaning and Get the Hell Out!
Because it was not real… and if you stay there too long, you will begin to literally believe that it is real…
And that is the danger of this Mental Health Shelter, not only as Delta Manor but as the Entire System of America, and this use of
“Operating Systems” all over the World…
Operating Systems who came from the World Culture…
Way of Life.. which Evolved to Systems..
Which is great… Bio-logical and Rational…
Instinctive Intuitive and Reasonable Rational..
But you have to come back to center as Mila Starfyre commented on my page and whose comment I saw when I lay in an exhaustion in a hospital…
The Exhaustion is real, but is the set up?
Justice and Balance… J.A.B….
J.B…James Bond 007…
Room A-B..
Atlantic Bedford… Green Point.. 2001.. March 20th…Arrival in New York..
To Rooms B.A… 49… 007… 2015-2016….35 36…(33 56) 89
Delta Manor phone is 859 4900….H.E..I….D.I…OO…
Sacred Portal 49 is Existential Death….
Recorded from Room B…Bed 49… *See my posts while I was living that in actuality, they’re all recorded here…
March 20th my Arrival in New York..
To my recently leaving bed 3002….32….
To The Silence One Last Time…
TT…S.O.L…( 5th Note…Sol!)… SO…T.L… 20 12… 32.. 5…
And so in New York, I was never given the opportunity to Center myself, because everything happened so quickly, so fast from the moment I arrived, that I was too busy, experiencing, figuring it out and grounding what was happening to me…
The Two “Programs” came in very handy….
One my real voice filled with all the Beautiful Truth of Being I have gathered through a life time of say 48 years…
And the the Cool dettached voice of the Android voice I could step into to ananyze data and what was happening to my life while experiencing New York, while in an out of memory…
In the last 13 years with the advent of this Tick, then twitches, muscles forcing me to stretch and move, creating a motion of it own, from being so sensitive…
The opposite to humanity being desentized….
And my Being seeking to understand what was happening to my body, and express it, which led me on this path.. while being fully aware in a conscious intelligence of what was happening…
But I had to stay quiet because I had no way to convey that understanding without being ridiculed or called crazy until I produced a language and expression with others could not only understand but could relate to and correlate through their own empirical experiences.. not mine..
Mine simply served as a blue print of expression- which had to be honest and reveal all transparently so others could recognize their experiences at their own discretion…
And thus, rise to memory through my experience
8:48 p.m..
Which they find is their experience, but devoid of the Emotional. Emotive experience of it..
Not that it is not important, infact it is the most important, but how can sieve through so many daily experiences and interactions…
And whose experience and expression can you trust…?
Only a Guinea Pig who is not even aware at first at being used as a Guinea Pig, but begins to see that be observing his life….
And even his battle to get out of such a role, and his protest… And then the most awful extortion ever, when you see the benefits for others of such a cruel play…
Despite being aware that there is a better way..
And then finding that what you began proving in 1989, in your Journals is that Harmony- of I Infinity versus the Experiences of the Full Circle of Human Existence and Experience in which because of the “Emotive” even amongst those who consider themselves the most Rational…. has affected their judgment and perception…
And how do you convince them… especially if your readings of reality changing are the same as theirs but with a totally different meaning and reason.. but an outcome so similar.
You can only go as far as proving that Truth, presenting the Evidence in a language to the Largest Sampling of the World population…
I have done so….
And expended so much energy in doing so…
I tried to sleep today,
My new room is with three others, it is a quit room apart from one catch 22… One of the guys sleeping on my side has a serious physical condition in that he snores in a way, that is so loud, that you know immediately that he should not be in a Mental Health Shelter…
That he has a bronchial or Chest malady…
And so, I was sent into a Room which aggravated my sensitive to sound impulse stimuli. and a man with an obsessive disorder to clean and another with what people here call O.C.D….
Just as my physical condition which one of the security guards understood, after 15.8 years as my being exhausted by continually have to stretch my body and align it…
Others had deduced this, even a doctor at the emergency room 5 years ago…
But who has the Time…
People are so busy….
They do not have time…
And or even the resources in this System to investigate even that which they can see and understand.
No one has time but Time was made by my existence to express the reason why people do not have time to even pause center themselves when they are Tired..
Exhausted, which I realized the men at the Shelter are, and nearly the entire world population…
And thus, the System must evolve….
9:07 p.m,
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