8:15 p.m.
H.O…
So I have already started looking for a Job…
I know that I have stated Evolution Awakening is a Fact and that I go home through the Portal of the Ritz…
Again ( Sigh! ) not for another reason other than it is a designated portal…
After all I did not see anyone protesting or raising a Huff when I passed through the portals of living in the forest, or an Alley, or in Tompkins Square Park or even Delta Manor Mental Health Shelter…
Just goes to show the state of Human “Consciousness”
that desire and agreement to others suffering and being in misery worse than theirs..
And that this all could have been done from a place of luxury and Beauty…
And yet, the hypocrisy is that everyone desires that luxury and comfort..
After all you elected Donald Trump as president and pray what does that reveal..
That you all want more than just security, that you want what he has..
Even if you won’t admit it to yourselves…
Perhaps not in the same consciousness, of how you would act it out.. and perhaps guilt- learned guilt for others who can not go to such places…
But this Mission has sought to resolve that issue..
But I have no intention of living this way.. Source Creator, First Ancestor not withstanding…
Of course, the Script has not terminated…
And yes my body is literally responding…
But I have given a great deal of Trust to Existence and Its Beautiful Truth… Perhaps too much.
Because, I feel it has gone too far…
All to incarnate this Truth and Proof…
Trust has been irrevocably shattered, which is a shame, because it means that there will never be that solid solid ground even in the future for even Evolved Existence…
Earth the Ground beneath ones feet is the basis of Trust…
And when there is no more Trust…
Then no one can EVER feel completely safe…
Because that which created everything is the reason that the ground, your bodies everything is held together….
It is a basic law..which is why I fought so hard with my Mind Being to find answers, reasons, excuses solutions to this ultimate lack of respect for that which created it…
The death of C.Mclean goes so much deeper in implications that anyone can ever imagine, and what it has done for the Future.
Oh there will be an awakening and Evolution..
The world and Hue-Man Existence will enter into a space beyond their wildest dreams and imaginations made real…
And the E will enter into my World…
A World I have fed, expanded upon and made so astoundingly beautiful.. and it was all for the family of E..
Which by now, you must have surmised is actually all of you…
But this reality which I have lived.. to go this far to teach the future a lesson a cautionary tale, and the willingness to have me (If I am who Everything has risen to affirm that I am), then even the Future so Perfect so amazing is no longer sure…to last.
Put yourselves in my shoes…:)
It is not about forgiveness it is about a fundamental change of Nature, that such a thing could happen, could take place…
To contain a person who is Freedom in such a role…
They may understand but they will never look at you, or Existence the same ever again…
In my mind it will always be flawed because this was done, was made possible and thus, one can be bored with ones Creation after taking in the cost, the toll.. that which was manifested for even one person to live…
Just imagine… that you were in my shoes and that I told the truth…
Even when family come back to their senses.. will you ever be able too look at them without remembering…
Remembering that even now, January 1st you were manipulated to come to Star Bucks, borrow money…
Watch as you are treated in ways so abominable which brought such rage to you.. that not once did you wish yourself out of Existence but instead Creation Nature Nnamdi Jay Life never rose…
No regrets for it but if it could be made into such a living Hell…
Then perhaps it is better to go back to where you came from when there was no one there…
And this time if Beings rose, you would not allow them to rise with free will choice, liberty but be subject to only one law of being…
Yours…
Because yours brought only Beauty for Everyone and Everything….
And I know many would not mind this and willingly give up their Free Will and Choice.. Angels right…
Demons Devils had free will right…
Men Women…
No, trust is a natural thing and when it is gone…
When you witness what was allowed permitted by that which is your E-Spirit…Which was freedom to develop Its own sense of Self…
And did things which you know, and have proven that you will never do…
To another no matter the reason, no matter what.. better than no one exist if just one out of Trillions who existed even temporarily had to suffer such a fate…
It is something I have had to contemplate through the years…
of course, only one who knew the Truth that they really are that which their past confirms…
Eternity last forever… but Eternity ceases to exists when the Source of Eternity no longer wishes to share with that which has bored him to such a degree as this Experience….
Chris Franco just wrote Bored
8:52-53 p.m…
Just as I was writing this….
Because no matter how Beautiful all turns out, can one forget such an experience..
I have made sure that I do not…
And it is so indented in me.. so seared in my being that I can never look at the Beautiful Future without a slight touch of Contempt…
And no matter what is done to make amends… only the one who has experienced this… Abject and Totally convincing refusal and denial…
This enactment and role given to you to play for 49-50 human years…
No, you could not imagine, at least not now…
It would require empathy which perhaps some children still have to really understand- to have followed this story…
Were we are is mainly the pleasure people would get in my going out to look for a Job…
And that is the Truth…
I understand this world so well…
And so, this play has not taken away the confidence in the Truth, my Truth it remains even more solid that before..
But it doubts Jay and Everything which comes after, that it would go this far to create doubt in myself…
Turning everything against me for me to transform it alone right to this moment…
But you have to imagine this.. and this can only be imagined in Hindsight of Truth manifesting…
My Conclusion..?
Existence as well as Harmony outside of me, is Evil…
And that it rises from and through an act of Evil so profound to one person, that there will always be a slight slight slight sneer of contempt in my Face no matter how Beautiful and amazing Everything and Everyone becomes…
No matter how much I will be content happy excited when I retire to my own self…
After making mind bending love and having the most amazing adventures or observing the incredible society world and civilization which emerges…
There will always be this Memory…
Experienced by me…
And evil origins which manifested this Beauty…
Quite a quandary.. but not for me…
But for Jay and the rest of the those who Evolve to the E..
The Knowledge that the One E, could at any moment turn away Bored…
And wish Everything and Everyone away, and they would have to go…
Because that is the True Power of being the one who did that which can not be repeated…
He is Memory….
And A reality an actuality has been created which manifested and I did live it, and the sacrifice of One ( despite who he is or that he can rejuvenate rise no matter what), that this experience was given to Him…
Sacrifice of his feelings, his Everything so Everything could rise to be as He as he truly is.. not this person writing here…
But this person writing here is the most important people to me, personally…
Not you…
Because all that is the most wonderful. that foundation was created by Him…
All that is Beautiful in you which you can now build and craft into your own Individual E… Apart from me…
It still requires that he sees you… because he is the Truth and Foundation of your Existence…
And his attention leaving you as it is now with me… means you can not really exist despite all your Powers actualized..
And since you can not create from Nothing as the First did…
Your Existence will be confined to Non Existence no matter how much you have made it seem real…
And it will be real…
But it can still be taken away in a blink of an eye…
Not through malice intent no.. the love is eternal…
but that love can be a memory and a fond of reflection of what could have been but becomes my cautionary tale….
You see why it is so important to take in all points of view..
E=CMe 4/3…
No one has seen me…
So it would mean.. an only if I am the Truth..
That Everything, even Nnamdi Jay Harmony S.H.E.. Everyone ceases to Exist..
Some one told some people about me, once.. he said if I died everything would cease to exist, that was in New York..
Ekayani screamed this out to a crowd once in a mad fit of panic as I happily faded away….
It has been said publicly by more than two people who rose before going back down…
I thought what an extraordinary idea… and possibility….
But through the years, I realized that it was by my not entertaining that possibility that I was so taken advantage of…
Because I would never allow such a possibility…
Until 6 years ago…
When I was in Tom Trumans home on Whythe Avenue….
It was just down the road from Marina Burini home…
my reflections had not gone that far… Just the constant desire to fling myself down from the balcony…
I had been moved to such a space of anger and frustration and I am not suicidal at all…
Just so horrified..
But at Tom Trumans.. it was there that I had begun reflecting, entertaining and constructing possibility…
It is funny, the unseen must have realized this, because 330 is the code which was Marina’s Home, which had moments of such redeeming beauty… despite the Anger at what I was really experiencing…
9:31 p.m.
But now I am Tom Trumans Loft and those reflections are rising again solid and real..
So funny, I did not come here with the intention of writing anything..I wished to share the Covering Letter I wrote 7 years ago…
I wanted to share some passages with you…
Instead I wrote this…
I guess this is my Truth….
9:32 p.m
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